Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Here are two versions of “Why did the chicken cross the road?” I got the Gloriagate version on the mail today, while the Erap Juetengate version here.

President GMA: Hello Garci. Alamin mo nga kung bakit tumawid ang chicken.

Sec Gonzales – That Chicken is a an aberration and belongs to a ranting widow. She (the chicken) is too beautiful to be run over as it crosses the road.

Former Comelec Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano: Sige po ma’am. Gagawan natin ng paraan. Ipapakidnap ko ang mga sisiw.

Susan Roces: Let us remain calm. Let us follow the rule of law in determining the chicken’s motive for crossing the road.

Former President Joseph Estrada: Ako na naman? Pati ba naman pagtawid ng manok, sa akin isisisi?

Press Secretary Ignacio Bunye: That chicken which allegedly crossed the road is a fake. We have the real chicken in our coop!

Sen. Ping Lacson: I have asked a foreign group to authenticate the axonomic classification of that animal which
crossed the road. No doubt, it was indeed a chicken.

Former Sen. Kit Tatad: I did my own authentication. The chicken is real.

Bro. Mike Velarde: Tiyak ‘yon.

NBI Director Reynaldo Wycoco: Both chickens are fake.

Archbishop Oscar Cruz: I have witnesses to prove that the chicken crossed the road.

Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism Blog: We have the complete audio and video of the chicken crossing the road. Download here.

Atty. Allan Paguia: I admit! I spliced the chicken but only for my post-graduate class. I didn’t fry it. In fact it’s
still alive.

Cong. Chiz Escudero: Once and for all, I am challenging the chicken. The public is waiting for its answer. Did it cross the road or not. If yes, why? If no, I still won’t believe it.

Atty. Samuel Ong: It was looking for its mother. But the chicken won’t find it because I am keeping the mother of all chickens.

Sgt. Vidal Doble: It was forced to cross the road.

Sen. Aquilino Pimentel: Impeach the chicken!

Bayan Muna Rep. Teddy Casio: The chicken has betrayed the motorists’ trust when it crossed the road. Fry it!

Sandra Cam: The chicken has laid dozens of chicken eggs across the road. I was personally asked by the chicken – which happened to be my close friend – to deliver the eggs to Congressmen Mikey and Iggy Arroyo. But please, do not insinuate that I had a special relationship with the chicken. It was just a friend.

Cong. Mikey Arroyo: That chicken is a liar! I never received a single egg from that animal.

Cong. Ignacio Arroyo: I will file a libel case against the chicken!

NTC Commissioner: That’s fowl. You should not discuss that on air. Else, we shall revoke your franchise.

KBP: Fowl or not, the NTC’s circular is curtailment of press freedom.

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Erap: Ang media ang may kasalanan diyan!

Miriam Defensor Santiago: ” Aha! I know it! That chicken crossed the road to provoke me. I move to permanently hold in contempt that chicken. I request for a restraining order, your honor, so that the chicken would not be able to cross the road again!”

Ramon Revilla: “I concur, your honor. You see, may timbangan ako ng manok sa bahay. Doon ko nga nalaman na 96 grams ang 1000 na bills ng 1000 pesos tomake 1 million pesos. See 96 grams? 96 grams talaga! Malapit yun sa isang kilo…eh sa 96 grams talaga eh…Pero huwag nyo akong tanungin kung ilang kilo ang manok na nagcross ng road. Eh, di ko nakilo eh. I guess, takot syang pakilo. Baka kulang sya ng 96grams. In short, kulang sya ng isang kilo.”

Emma Lim: Para po uminom ng iced tea, your honor!

Chavit Singson: Eh, nililito nyo lang po ako, your honor. Di ko alam kung bakit nagcross yun ng road. Wala naman sa ledger ko kung bakit. Nililito nyo lang po ako. Nililito nyo lang po talaga ako.

Clarissa Ocampo: It crossed the road to go to the office of, I am sorry, Mr. Estelito Mendoza.

Estelito Mendoza: Whether I will quit as a defense lawyer of the president or not, shall depend upon the decision of the president himself, not the crossing of the road by the chicken.

Raul Roco: It is a noble profession to be a chicken and to cross that road!

Chief Justice Hilario Davide: Unless there is an objection, the chicken can cross that road